I've seen the grips of alcoholism too closely for comfort. I wrote this when I was in that shattered place where you have to witness someone you hold so dearly to your heart sink into the wrath of alcoholism. I knew my words wouldn't reach my loved one, so instead I poured them out onto tear soaked paper. Detach with love and then do whatever you can to feel better. That night I wrote this:
It’s a thief
It steals you away and tricks you into believing that your better
But it’s also a liar
And you are not a light when you follow her down the bottle
Your ego flares with a desperate aggression that is all-consuming
It’s a thief
And steals your light
Steals your integrity
Steals your soul
It’s unbearable to witness
You’re drowning and we MUST try to save you
We throw you a life jacket
But you refuse to reach for it
You’re sinking deeper
You’re refusing to grab on to the life jacket for longer than a fleeting moment.
At first you grab on and my breath comes back to my body
But then you let go
For no reason
You let go.
Why do you keep letting go?
Every time I throw you the life jacket my arms get weaker
You stop noticing the life jacket
My arms throw it but I’m too tired
The fear feels normal
This game has grown tiring
Why are you choosing to drown yourself?
There are people that fucking love you and want you and need you and yearn for YOU.
But you let go of the life jacket.
You don’t want to be you.
So how do we stop this game?
Do you all of a sudden grab onto this life jacket that I continue to throw, or are you going to never resurface someday?
Because your choices have impact
And your choices hurt
People are here, waiting, but you choose to follow her- the thief and liar - down the bottle
Instead of grabbing on and floating to safety
With those that love you
We are all silently hoping you don't choose her again.
And we will always love you
But you are slowly drifting off...
away from you
Drifting away at sea with the lying, stealing slut, otherwise known as alcohol.